I feel like I’m at the time of my life where I am slowly crossing some self-imposed metaphorical line. I am 26 years old, I’m ambitious in my career, I have a good job, I have a mortgage on my own (wait, when did that happen?) and I have a nice car.
All these things are adult. I feel like they should make me feel like a proper adult. But I don’t. I don’t feel grown up, I don’t feel like I should grow up (I only have myself to look after anyway!), I still look at people older than me and feel like a child. So why do I feel like I am approaching this crossing in my life? Why does it continue to scare the hell out of me?
When I was a kid I would look at someone like me and think “wow, they are so grown up, I can’t wait to be grown up and a proper adult!”. Like wtf, seriously? Bring back the days where summer meant I could spend 7 weeks swanning around with all my friends, having fun, spending my mum’s money, eating her food, and being taken on holiday. I’m lucky if I have anything edible in my cupboards two weeks after payday with memories of my weekend before making me laugh through the hunger.
When will I pass through this magical crossing which will make me an adult? When will I be able to manage my own money? When will I stop having so much fun, making mistakes and never learning from them! I’m sure someone told me once you learn from your mistakes. When will I realise I am growing up and must start acting my age, as I grow ever closer to 30?
Maybe as I continue to find my way and my path in the “adult with their shit together world”, I might answer my own questions. Until then, please keep the metaphorical crossing in the distance.