I feel drained of energy from the continuous swirl of questions my brain asks whenever I have a moments down time. By down time I mean when my brain has stopped focusing on the current task or 3,000 in hand at that current time. You see I’m a silent worrier. I worry about everything and anything. I worry about how I am portrayed, I am worried about what people think of me, I worry if I am good enough for most things and I worry if I am doing things right.
I’ve lived on my own for nearly a year now and I worry that I’m not doing it right. I mean how can you not do that right? Is my house tidy? Is it clean? When should you have fully decorated your first house and feel like its finished? My spare room is still a dumping ground and I have an empty garage outside. Is that normal? I pay all my bills but I am always skint. Do I go out too much? Do I buy unnecessary rubbish? What am I doing wrong?
I’ve been single over a year now too. I wonder if that’s a good or a bad thing? Good that I haven’t rushed into anything (UNLIKE MY EX) but bad I’ve hardly grasped the world of dating? Am I expecting too much or am I subconsciously enjoying freedom? I feel like I want a relationship and then I go on one date and am like “nah…not for me!”. Was it him, was it me?
My mind feels like it has been running sequential marathons for over a year with not much rest time. I over think nearly everything and I am tired. I am drained!