Top Man

via Daily Prompt: Devastation

I previously shared a poem about my Granddad Ben. He truly was a very lovely man who had such a massive and positive impact on me and my life. I never imagined him not being a part of it. That’s the problem. The people you love the most are people you think are invincible and the thought of anything ever changing that perception is terrifying.

I was never allowed to call him ‘Granddad’ throughout my life, not because he wasn’t, he was, but because he always said he was too young!!! Even as I got older and I told him he was officially past the point of being old. I only ever said it to wind him up and he bit every time!

So what made him amazing? All the little things. The memory of my childhood.

He picked me up from school every single day, took me home and gave me a snack to keep me going until we picked my Nan up from work. She’d come home and cook a proper dinner and then I’d be dropped home after Corrie.  Every Saturday morning he would pick me up, take me to swimming lessons, feed me lunch while we watched the F1 then drop me home again. Most Sundays we’d walk my Aunt’s dog over the comyn and my Nan would pack us snacks to take. Every sports day he’d be waiting at the finish line. Every December he would buy a new Cassette of kids Christmas songs I could sing in the car. In the school holidays I went camping and in the caravan with him, one year he even took me to Disney World Florida and New York! I made so many good memories with this man because he was always there for me. Getting me to experience new things and adventures.

I remember the exact date my life was destroyed, 25th August 2012, as I was moving house. We had found out he was in hospital and he was having tests after being taken unwell. By the Monday my worst fear had come true. He had cancer. It was over. It was untreatable. I was devastated, or so I thought I was. It all happened very quickly but it seemed like forever at the same time. Watching a person you love slowly fade away is heartbreaking. 6 weeks later he died. I was inconsolable.

I reminisced on the times we had together and I knew there would be no more new memories to make. A person I loved beyond life itself would not feature with me in my future. That was devastation!

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Top Man

  1. Edward Bryans - commentaries on life says:

    I think this one is hard for you to let go. Please forgive me if you feel I am inappropriate.
    ‘I remember the exact date my life was destroyed, 25th August 2012’ – was it really destroyed? I think he gave you a very great deal of security and love which is irreplaceable as only he could make you feel as he did.
    He passing is desperately sad but if he knew that you were somewhat stuck in your loss of him, he would be more devastated. Grieve the loss but celebrate the life and allow him into your very being every day.
    Then you will be able to foster that within you and pass it on as he did.
    His flame needs to breathe within you – I hope that is not too invasive a thought!
    With much respect to you,
    Namaste!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kashia says:

      I don’t think I’m stuck in my loss, just using the prompt word how I see fit. Grief stirs up certain emotion and never fully goes. I’m sad he has gone but I cherish the the times we had and the happiness he brought my life.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Elaine's Bloggers Paradise says:

    Gosh reading that hurt my ❤️ you were so lucky to have him in your life. I only had one Grandma and she hated me! He taught you such a lot and I think , no not think , I know he would want you to be happy. Grief is hard I know that from losing my dad (that’s still to come in my memoirs) happy days not 😭 I wonder if I have made a mistake starting them, but everyone seems to be enjoying my pain lol 🙂

    Like

  3. Kashia says:

    He really was amazing. It dies seem pain us easier to talk about that happiness. You also get all the good memories back too. I look forward to reading your memoirs. Thank you for coming back and commenting Elaine. It means a lot xxx

    Like

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